This is a hard letter to write but I feel if I do not talk to someone things will get worse. I am ashamed to say that I have had an abortion. As you read this you may feel shocked and hate me for it I know. I feel like I have committed a terrible sin but my circumstances made it seem impossible to go ahead with the pregnancy. Although this has all happened a while ago it stays with me and the guilt and sadness I feel is intense. The confusing thing is that although I feel this way I would not change my decision if I had to make it again. What can I do to cope with these feelings, I know I will never forget but I do want to move on.
Firstly, understand that I in no way judge you for your decision/choice and I could never hate you for it. I know that there are counselling services available from the centre or hospital where you had your treatment and it would be worth taking up any offer of these services just to give you the opportunity of talking over your feelings with another, especially someone experienced in helping others through what is no doubt traumatic on many levels.
Just for now stop judging yourself and assuming that others are either judging or have the right to judge you. You have made a choice and did the best you could with what you had and knew at the time. That is now the past. You deserve a happy, healthy life. Punishing yourself does not change the past and robs you of a bright future. It is really important to forgive yourself now. All that pent up emotion and guilt needs to be released. Seek out the help of a local professional to enable you to do this, or if you can, come on a workshop and clear it all out. You may also wish to write an angel letter to the child you did not have, I have written about these before and if you wish to do this then follow the link for instructions.
You and I will talk this over privately.
Since receiving and answering this letter I have managed to find and now supply the CD “Being at peace with choices”. It creates a safe, non-judgmental, private space in which you can be present with all of your thoughts and emotions before and after your abortion, validating and empowering your choices. The CD uses the calm, beautiful voice and centering wisdom of Dr. Robin along with a beautiful, original soundtrack by Cathie Malach to create a safe, supportive, nurturing space, and acknowledgement of the multitude of often conflicting and confusing emotional reactions that can surface.
“Being at Peace With Choices” CD by Dr. Robin is available in the store.