Feeling depressed and cannot see how things can get better

Dear Gillian,

I have been feeling low for the past few years ever since my husband died but just over the past few months I have become so depressed that i just do not feel there is any point in going on.  I have seen the doctor and he gave me some tablets but I just feel like I am in a box, unable to think or feel anything.  Please do not tell me to think positively, my friends have driven me nuts with talk like that.  if it were that simple everything would be fine.  Can you help me please?


Dear Mabel,

good to hear from you.

People sometimes assume that because of the work I do I will suggest positive thinking when they are low.  Whilst of course positive thinking would definitely help, depending on whether or not you are experiencing true clinical or other forms of depression, positive thinking would prove to be impossible. There are good biological/clinical reasons for that but we do not need to go into that here.

Generally I am against drugs, however I know that with depression it can sometimes be beneficial over the very short term to have medication to avoid sinking too low.  The difficulty is that whilst on the medication you can feel like you are experiencing life at a distance. It can alter your reality and so it can be difficult to do other work on yourself whilst in this state.

I would suggest you find a therapist locally by recommendation who you feel you can work with to clear out whatever has brought you to this point.  It may be that everything was sparked off with your husbands death, grief can be a long and strange process.  It may also be that the grief sparked off something from an earlier time which was unresolved.  Either way you need to express and release whatever is being held inside and you need assistance with this process.

My workshops do this in the two days, but if you prefer and as you are on medication, it would be better to have a personal workshop where we both work over several days in short bursts to really clear out everything and get you into a happy, healthy state.

Whilst your friends may have driven you nuts as you say, they obviously care about you.  Appreciate their love and kindness and do not shut them out at this time.

I hope this helps.

With love,