How do I handle my husbands arguments? …

Dear Gillian,

I am hoping you can answer this question because I am not sure what to do. In all of Louise’s books it mentions that when you get into an argument with either a spouse, friend, or co-worker you should walk out of the room and get away from the situation. Otherwise you are just taking in the argument and you end up getting sick. Well every-time I get into an argument with my husband, (which seems to be pretty much every day), I try to walk out of the room but he consistently follows me or he just continues to yell and yell. How do I handle my husbands arguments?I tell him over and over again to just walk away and let it go but he would rather tell me what I have done wrong and sometimes I admit I do say the wrong thing which sometimes starts the argument. My problem though is he doesn’t want to walk away and just cool off so I usually lock myself in the room and tell him to leave me alone because right now we are just not talking rationally. He always wants to get his yelling over and done with. What do I do? My husband is usually a peaceful person, but he has really bad fibromyalgia and when we have stupid arguments he tends to go all out and confront me when he should just rest. I am at my wits end and I am trying really hard to do what Louise says to do but my husband makes it really hard to do sometimes. Please help.

Dear Francis,

The best time for you to tackle anything with your husband is when he and you are both calm and open.  When anyone is upset or angry they do not want to let it go. I suggest even before leaving the room if possible explain that you do want to hear what he has to say and that you will give it your full attention and discuss it when you are both calm and can be constructive, set a time e.g tomorrow morning, when you both agree to sit down and talk.

It is really important, when you are not arguing, to allow discussion to happen naturally and without an agenda, without pre-judging the outcome or anything else.  If you are arguing a lot then there are issues that need to be dealt with.  You are both pushing each others buttons but not really listening to each other.  Everyone wants to feel like they have been heard.  If talking proves too difficult, both of you write down what is bothering you and exchange letters before having a discussion.

Remember it is no good trying to change someone else, you can only work on yourself.  When you change your behaviour those around you change theirs also.

Always come from a loving place of the heart and all will be well.