I keep thinking he will leave me again

Dear Gillian,

I have had an on off relationship with my partner for several years. We have just got back together again after some time apart and although initially I was relieved I can’t help thinking he will leave me again and in some ways I regret taking him back as our relationship is not that good anyway.

Dear Jan,

Sometimes we find ourselves repeating the same “mistakes” (or so it seems) and this can make us feel very low. We can beat ourselves up over things we do and that just makes it worse. It pays to just stop for a minute, accept that you are in a particular situation and then think about whether this is really what you want. For this period of time don’t think about how difficult it might be to get out of or who might get hurt, in the long run for everyone’s  happiness it is important to genuinely acknowledge all your feelings both good and “bad”.

The decisions we make come either from a place of fear or a place of love. For example we decide to stay in a “bad” relationship because we are afraid that if we do not, we will never have another relationship again, we will be alone and unloved. Whereas, when you come from a place of love your decisions are based on things like whether or not the relationship is mutually loving and supportive,  does it uplift you or does it bring you down.

You are the only one that knows what this relationship does for you, you cannot tell what goes on in the other persons mind or heart, so it is important that you make decisions based on your own thoughts and feelings.

Relationships in our present quite often replay relationships we had in our past (e.g father, mother, brother, friend as we were growing up) especially where there is unresolved hurt or anger. The important thing when wanting to bring loving relationships into your life or to heal an existing one is to release old negative beliefs and expectations, resentment, anger and any other emotions you may be holding onto from the past. When you do this the other person will either change their perspective also or leave your life easily as you no longer attract difficult relationships.

Start by loving and accepting yourself as you are today.  I think you would really benefit by coming on one of my weekend courses but if that is not possible I suggest you read Louise Hays book “You Can Heal Your Life”. This will help you understand where your need to keep taking this person back into your life has come from. You might also look at the process and concepts involved by clicking on the HOW link at the bottom of this page. You have all the answers inside, it is just a question of getting back in touch with your “authentic” self. When you achieve that you will not need to worry about what to do as you will naturally make the right decisions for yourself and you will find them easy to carry through without all the pain and hurt you may be envisaging right now.

A good affirmation for you right now is

“everything I need to know is revealed to me, I love and accept myself as I am and I make choices that are healthy and good for me”.

with love