I left my husband and two children …

Dear Gillian,

15 months ago I left my husband and two children.  My husband was a workaholic and I worked full time.  My husband discovered he had cancer it scared the life out of me, we moved house to lesson his load with work but nothing changed that was 3 years ago .  My children got older and I realised that my life was going by and I was living the stressful life that my husband lived, he neglected me by coming in late from work etc .

I decided to do a course in hypnotherapy ,which he did not really like me doing, this changed my way of thinking and I wanted to leave.  I had been having attention from a man in work and this boosted my ego, then I started seeing an older man and I am still with this man. .but for the previous year I cried over not being in my home with my children.  I ended up in hospital with meningitis due to the stress.   My new partner is a kind, loving, gentle man who believes in working hard but enjoying life to the full.  In the last year I have done more than I did in the 18 years of marriage to my husband.

Now my children stay with us as a couple of days a week, our relationship has changed. I no longer live so close to my children, they used to call whenever they wanted and their friends. I  live in an apartment where no one calls and I feel isolated and miss the community spirit that was at my old home .

I have fought the guilt for my girls off as much as I can but hate the disjointed family

I do miss the family and sharing the joy of watching the children with someone who loves them as much as you

My girls are 16 and 14 they like my new partner but he is not their dad who is a far more jolly character.  I can’t move forward, I am financially stuck and emotionally worn out.  I do not like my life as I miss the fun with my kids but I don’t feel lonely any more like I did in my marriage.

I don’t have family support but have few good friends who have been supportive. I am lucky to be alive as the meningitis was the serious one, but I still do not feel happy. The story could go on forever and Ii have left things out but I just needed help.

Dear Sian,

There is no judgement here as to whether you did the right thing. You talk in your letter (not all included above) as if you wish to return to your husband and I think a lot of stress comes from the mental confusion, grief, hurt, guilt and anguish to do with him and the children.

If you find that it is not possible to come on a workshop, that you do not have the resources etc. then trust that what you need will come to you.  This may be the resources you need or another teacher, guide or workshop.  So relax, it is time for you to have what you want and deserve in your life. You are a wonderful, loving woman who has always done the best she can at the time.  Life does not have to be a struggle.

Whatever you decide to do, I am here for you.

Gillian