The only change I can realistically make is to resign myself to being unlovable …

Dear Gillian,

I am hoping you can help I am not sure what to do.

Some time ago I read some of Louise’s books and in the last few weeks I have been using ‘Power thought’ cards for daily affirmations and felt some benefit from this. However, in the last few days I have found an increasing resistance, i.e. As I repeat the affirmations my inner voice keeps telling me I am just lieing to myself/deluding myself. My experience of reality does not reflect my affirmations and it is not changing/cannot change for me.

The changes I seek are beyond my control and changing my thoughts doesn’t change the external reality and/or those thoughts are too entrenched to change. The only change in thinking I can realistically do is to resign myself to being unlovable in an adult, intimate relationship; to not reaching my full potential in my work and to living in fear. At best I can be grateful for all I do have in my life and try to maintain things as they are/gain some stability and to do more to protect myself from the external world/intimate relationships. That intimate/close relationships equals exposing oneself to danger/vulnerability and to behaviours I don’t like in myself eg needy, insecure, fear of rejection, self loathing, etc.

I would be grateful for any suggestions you may have.

Dear Cora,

How amazing, I know that for anyone looking at your letter it may seem very negative but for me I see the insight you have gained and how close you are to changing.

In reading the books and using the affirmation cards you have started a process, after a while if you really work at it then all the negative thoughts and beliefs you have been holding sub-consciously for so long start to show up consciously (this is what you are experiencing) the joy is when we are conscious of them we can work on them far more effectively.  You have some clearing work to do and I see you are booked onto my next workshop so we will be able to take care of that then.  In the meantime for everyone of those negative messages you receive e.g “I have to accept/resign myself to being unlovable” turn them into a positive affirmation e.g “I am loving and lovable” and accept yourself as you are.  Because these new affirmations come from converting your own negative beliefs they will be more powerful than the power cards.  Start by using your letter above and extracting and converting the negative statements go to my affirmations page if you need more guidance.  Using affirmations in this way can be very tiring initially as you convert negative messages to positive ones but that is only because you are learning.  Soon especially after the workshop you will experience more loving, nurturing thoughts naturally and this will not be hard work.

Stick with it.