All my life I have worked hard and always paid my way and helped others. I am a single mother and I find life almost intolerable as I care for my elderly mother and two children. I work part time and find that by the time I have finished work, cooked, cleaned and cared for everyone else there is no time for me. Even if I did have the time I certainly would not have the energy to do anything. I love my family but feel so tired of it all”. When is it going to be my turn?
I understand how burdened you must feel and how bleak your future may look right now. However, things can change. I am going to start with the practical stuff. Right now you may only be able to make small changes but they will help you to feel like you are getting a bit more control back.
You mentioned in your letter that your children are teenagers, at this stage in their life it is time they did things for themselves and assisted you. The household chores need to be shared. There are many good books (and several TV programmes) on the subject but the fundamentals are:
- they can be shown how to use a washing machine, if they want clean clothes then they will soon learn to get on with it.
- They can change their own sheets and make their own beds.
- Once a week each of them could be responsible for getting tea/dinner, allow them to choose what it will be ahead of time and make sure to include whatever they need in the shopping list.
You already have a care worker twice a week to help with your mother while you are working, can that be extended to a day or morning when you are not working? Is there a day centre which would allow you an hour or two to yourself. If help is offered take it with a big “thank you!” Take time out to be with your friends or go to a yoga class to help you relax and take care of your body. Start practising “extreme self care”, that means if asked to do something additional that you do not want to do then the answer is “no”.
That is the practical stuff out of the way. Now, to the really important part which is getting back in touch with your “authentic” self. The parts of you that have become “shut down” as the demands on your time and energy have taken over. Starting to love and support yourself no matter what is going on around you will bring about healing on all levels. Ideally I would like you to take a weekend away and come on my workshop. In those two days we could redress the balance. It is amazing and wonderful, how when we do this work on ourselves everything and everyone around us responds to the changes that are taking place within us. If this is not possible look for a local group or practitioner to help whilst you use Louise Hays’ book “You Can Heal Your Life” as a personal guide.
Take heart, your life can and will take on a whole new meaning if you make changes now. Choose to love yourself (warts, situation and all), do some forgiveness work and anger releasing. Acknowledge your own needs and desires and honour them. Also allow for the fact that others need to take responsibility for themselves and whilst there are things you may need to do for them there are many that they would benefit from learning how to do for themselves.
It is your turn now, Call me and we will discuss the next step for you.