Why are relationships so difficult? …

Dear Gillian,

why are relationships so difficult? I recently began seeing a man after about 6 months on my own.  My previous relationship ended after we moved in together, I thought it was the real deal and that we were going to get married but it just went wrong, we stopped communicating properly, he started treating me like a servant and expected me to do all the domestic stuff.  Recently this new guy started talking about us sharing somewhere and I now feel really nervous that it will end the same way.  Is it me?  Should I just leave things as they?

Dear Marian,

Relationships can be challenging from time to time but it usually stems from misunderstanding or mis-communication.  Sharing with anyone can be difficult at first and reqires both individuals to be flexible and patient.  We all have our own agendas, sometimes we are less than honest about what we really want or what is going on (usually for fear of rejection).  You can learn a lot from your previous experience and if you wish to share with this man and feel you have a real future together then make sure you are clear about your expectations before you move in.  This requires a frank and honest conversation with no threats or ultimatums.  Do not assume you know what is going on in your boyfriends mind, no matter how long you have known each other , you do not.

If this man has similarities to your last boyfriend then I suggest you hold fire on that decision and do some clearing work on yourself.  It may be that you are attracting a certain type of person/people into your life.  this is usually because we are trying to heal a situation or issue from our past and so we repeat it.  Once you have cleared that out of your system you will stop repeating the pattern and have more likelihood of a happy healthy relationship.

There can be a lot of fear attached to taking a relationship to the next level and what we focus on grows so get out of the fear and into a loving space.  Sharing can wait until you both feel the time is right and it feels like a natural step.