Tag Archives: grief

3 ways to deal with anger

Safe to Look within - AffirmationAnger is one of those emotions that not only makes the individual experiencing it feel very uncomfortable but those who are witness to it also. When someone gets angry it is generally seen as a lack of control as in he/she is losing it; or bad, dangerous and unpredictable. Problems relating to anger typically arise whenever emotions have been suppressed or misdirected. 
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Relationship Action Consultation

Relationships are often a huge problem for people. It doesn’t matter if you are married, single, divorced or widowed, dating, looking for that perfect partner or have no clue how to attract genuine love and avoid heartache.  We all want love in our lives and we all deserve a happy, healthy loving relationship.

In these one to one Relationship Action Consultations Gillian helps people identify negative patterns that can lead to self-sabotage or beliefs that can lead to bad choices.  You will cover the subliminal signals and messages that you give out to others whilst totally unaware and set about changing those so that you can attract a mutually loving, healthy relationship that brings you joy.

Sometimes heartache is overshadowing our lives from a traumatic break up or the death of a loved one.  The sense of loss and grief can be intense and whilst it is a natural part of life experience if it goes on too long then it needs to be dealt with.

As an example:

An amazingly beautiful and successful young woman came to see Gillian, she had been engaged to a man she loved many years before and believed they would be together for ever.  Unfortunately he died and even though many years had passed she still was not dating, felt sad and very alone.  She had stored many of his belongings in boxes in her home and she organised an annual memorial reunion for friends from a sports club he belonged to.

She knew she was stuck but had no idea how to free herself.  Within two sessions she started to consider her future, a couple more and she cleared her house of his stuff passing it to family and friends who would appreciate it rather than having it sit in boxes.  She then decided to make the next reunion a final one (something that other attendees especially family appreciated).

This amazing woman is now a wife and mother.

Has she forgotten her original fiance?  No, he will always have a place in her heart but now she remembers the joy rather than the pain and has a happy family which she is also sure he would have wanted for her.

When you are in a dark place it is hard to imagine it ever getting lighter.  Be reassured it does but if you feel stuck then let us assist you kick-start your healing. Contact Gillian now to find out more or to book your consultation.

We also have a range of Hypnosis downloads available if you want to try something for yourself now.

Grief

Grief is a very personal thing, in my experience of research and listening to others, no two people grieve in the same way although there may be similarities.  Those who specialise in grief counseling will tell you that it goes through specific phases – denial, anger, sadness, bargaining and acceptance.  I have never liked any sort of prescriptive statement of an emotional process like this.  Whenever people encounter it whilst grieving they invariably try to work out what part of the process they are in and if they fit the “norm”. Continue reading

Grief On Parents Death

Mother Holding Child's Hand

Becoming an Adult Orphan

Grief on a Parents death is always hard but losing the last parent seems to be a slightly different event to the first.  Obviously if you lose both parents as a child you are classed as an “orphan” and treated as such. Everyone can instantly sympathise or realise that this is a traumatic event.  However, when you are older and your parents die, it sounds ridiculous to say “I am an orphan”.  Whilst one parent remains alive you are still a child to someone no matter how old you are and whether or not you have become the carer for that parent.  Also you may find that you finally grieve the loss of your first parent, which may not have seemed possible or just may not have happened whilst the other parent was alive.  This is sometimes caused by throwing yourself into taking care or being concerned about how the other parent is coping rather than experiencing your own sense of loss.

Becoming an adult orphan

Once all parents are gone then you are technically an orphan, your position or role has changed. There is a sense of missed opportunities to spend more time together, have that talk, ask those questions.  There is also inevitably a feeling of future loss – Mum not seeing your children grow up or even seeing them at all, Dad not seeing you succeed in your field of work or get the award.

Guilt

Amongst other feelings and emotions guilt is another one that can be very damaging to your overall health and happiness.  No matter what the circumstances most people feel guilty when someone dies.  It may be that you feel you did not do enough, did not see them as often as you might, left things unsaid or unresolved.   This whole mix can be made very complex if you did not know your parents, felt very antagonistic towards them, in awe or frightened of them.
Moving forward

One of the wonderful things that can happen

At some point is the realisation that you are free and that a whole new world of opportunities can now open up for you.  No matter how wonderful our parents and our childhood, we are still subject to the real or imagined pressure of living the kind of life our parents think we should.  Many people have taken courses, jobs, partners, or other things because they believe it makes their parents happy, meets with approval and their expectations and is “the right thing to do”.  When both parents die you realise just how much you may have relied, been guided or driven by them in your life even down to everyday decisions.  Once they are gone so is the judgement about what you do and you can finally grow up and take your own decisions based totally on what you want and what you think.

When you reach a point where you feel this freedom, use it to motivate you to do all the things that you have always wanted to but felt would not fit with others expectations of you.  I am not suggesting you drop all responsibilities (especially if you have children or dependants) but choose to really LIVE your life.  Get the most from each day, see the good and the joy in your life in the little and the large things.  Do not focus on what is wrong with your life, focus on the good and allow changes to take place in the other areas.  Relax this is your life.

Relationships

RelationshipsEverything we do involves relationships, work, play, love, whether with people, places or things.  Relationships are said to be mirrors of our lives and our beliefs about ourselves.  Our relationships with others are also said to be our greatest teachers but what does that mean?  In order to answer that question I will break it down into various topics below, but put simply all relationships involve You and Them. They do, say or behave one way and you respond by doing, saying or behaving another way. You react to what comes at you based on past experiences/traumas/scenarios. Your views on life and relationships are coloured by what has occurred in your own life and what you were taught or picked up from your parents/carers/siblings/peers and teachers as you grew up. So are you stuck with that? No. If you are experiencing difficult relationships you need to know that it is as much what you are giving out as what you are getting back. Once you change or release negative patterns of thought and behaviour then all your relationships change. You ca Continue reading

Feeling depressed and cannot see how things can get better

Dear Gillian,

I have been feeling low for the past few years ever since my husband died but just over the past few months I have become so depressed that i just do not feel there is any point in going on.  I have seen the doctor and he gave me some tablets but I just feel like I am in a box, unable to think or feel anything.  Please do not tell me to think positively, my friends have driven me nuts with talk like that.  if it were that simple everything would be fine.  Can you help me please? Continue reading