Start putting yourself first. Know that in working on and healing yourself you will make life more wonderful not just for you but for everyone around you. Adopt the belief that you are a truly amazing individual, loving and lovable (even if you do not believe it at the outset). Start loving yourself! Think about all that you have achieved in your life. Just getting this far is an achievement. You have probably rarely given thought to just how much you have done, learned, overcome or coped with. Celebrate your successes and think about all that you are yet to achieve as a healthy, happy, amazing individual.
Use meditation daily if only for 10 – 15 minutes. Regularly visualise yourself as a happy, healthy woman surrounded by love, in what ever scenario feels fantastic to you.
Notice if you are critical of others or yourself and stop. Usually if you find yourself criticising others then inside and sub consciously you are criticising yourself even more harshly. Likewise if you find yourself being criticised by others, there is something going on inside you. Stop all criticism. Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everyone makes mistakes. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.
Stop holding yourself responsible for others. Their lives are their business. When you love yourself you do not hurt yourself, nor do you hurt or interfere in the lives of others. Respect other peoples choices and decisions. It is not your role to “save” someone from themselves. Empower them to find their own solutions to whatever life brings. Lead by example. Be a healthy, happy, loving presence in their lives.
Praise yourself. Just as Criticism breaks the inner spirit, praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing. We are all good at something. Then start extending this to others.
Use positive affirmations (thoughts and words) especially when challenges arise. Do not terrorize yourself with your thoughts. If you find yourself spiralling down into negativity “stop the rot” find a mental image that gives you pleasure, (my children’s smiles work for me) and immediately switch your scary thought to a calming positive thought.
Use the mirror to empower your affirmations. Look into your own eyes often in the mirror and use positive affirmations. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself if you feel you have done something less than you wanted to. At least once a day look into the mirror and say: “I love you”.
Release yourself and others from the past. Stop holding onto old grudges and events. No matter how justified, being trapped in self righteousness brings bitterness and sucks the joy out of life. Let it go. Yes, you can get to a place of forgiveness.
Take care of your body. Learn about nutrition. What kind of food does your body need for optimum health? You will find the essential guidelines in this book and you can start to introduce some of those immediately. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? There is something for everyone – swimming, aerobics, pilates, yoga, boxercise, Tai Chi etc. Walking is an excellent way to start, just twenty minutes medium paced walking at least three times a week gets the circulation going and the muscles toning. The body is the house you live in so get it in order.
Understand that you are learning a new way of being. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn these new ways of thinking and being.
Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it. Go for a massage or reflexology. Take time out for yourself and do what refreshes and nurtures you.
Acknowledge your dark side. Oh yes we all have one or more. If you try and lock them away in a cupboard they will jump out and take control when you least expect it. It is normal not to be perfect. Any what you might call “negative personality traits” you have, just acknowledge that you created them to fulfil a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfil those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.
The most wonderful and comfortable people to be around are those who are comfortable with and love and accept themselves as they are. They have no hidden agendas; they do not need to manipulate to get love as they already have a firm foundation.
An extra bonus – confident, happy loving people are very attractive, so let’s get on with it.