Many of us have this image of an ideal family with an abundance of love readily expressed and felt in a warm family home. For some, this is a reality but for others the reality can be very different.
If you have an issue with either of your parents remember that they were a product of their childhood upbringing. It is very hard to be a loving parent if you were not loved as a child or did not see love expressed within the family.
If you have the opportunity to talk with your parents ask them about their childhood (remember to keep this conversation open and non-judgmental) you may find that it gives you a great deal of insight and you may gain a new perspective on them and your own childhood.
In my workshops we cover how the effects of our parents and the messages we learned as we grew up impact our adult lives and in particular relationships. This occurs until we learn new ways and reassess what we learned growing up. Whilst I advocate “dealing with your stuff” and clearing out any old hurts, anger, resentment or any other emotions that you may be holding with regard to your parents I do not support confronting them with issues. Whilst you may have been working on your “stuff” they may not have been working on theirs and may have no idea what you are talking about. If one or both of your parents have violent tendencies then any sort of confrontation will be a risk.
Once you have done the clearing, releasing and healing work necessary on yourself you will find that all your relationships change around you and confrontation is not required or desirable.
Grief When Parents Die (becoming an adult orphan) can throw up all sorts of issues and emotions more on this.
The Inner Child and Healing Old Wounds
Working with your own inner child can assist the process of healing from that longing for parental approval, attention or love. No matter what our age, inside we all have a little child. This little person can hold the key to why you feel the way you do about things, and you become aware of their presence sometimes when you feel sad or a seemingly “irrational” fear shows itself and you find yourself behaving or reacting in an extreme way to something ,or someone for no apparent reason. Using various techniques you can get back in touch with your little person and heal any old hurts or traumas you may have experienced. Meditation and visualisation are great for this as well as non-dominant hand drawing – all of which we do on the workshops plus so much more..
Keepers (author unknown)
I grew up in the 40′s/50′s/60′s with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a Name for it… A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.
Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress Things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there’d always be more.
But then my mother died, and on that clear summer’s night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any more.
Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away…never to return. So… While we have it.. it’s best we love it… And care for it…. And fix it when it’s broken….. And heal it when it’s sick.
This is true… For marriage…. And old cars…. And children with bad report cards….. Dogs and cats with bad hips…. And aging parents…. And grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special…. And so, we keep them close!